Fragile Wing

Take me away
so I can leave
without a trace
from this endless
and horrible game.

Have I lost my soul already,
am I doomed
like them?
How can I escape
this unbearable pain.

There comes death
to haunt me
even in my sweetest dreams,
there comes evil
to break my already
fragile back.

How can I stand,
how can I hold on
where darkness follows
everywhere I look
Is there still truth
’cause truth is what they took.

They filled me with lies
as if their lies were
sweet lullabies.
They poisened me with fear,
pushed it through my veins
and it came rushing down
pretending to be the only friend near.

Daddy, I remember
When you shoved me in the basement.
You closed the door
And I was trapped.
I crawled up in a cubby hole
And there I stayed for days.
But I was not afraid.

Daddy, I remember
How you tormented me in the night.
You snuck in at the latest hour
barely making a sound.
I crawled up in my mind
And there I stayed for years.
So I was not afraid.

And Daddy, I remember
When you locked me in that box.
There were spiders
And all kinds of creepy-crawlie's.
I floated up to heaven then
and there I"ll stay forever.
So I won't be afraid.

Daddy, daddy can't you see
I'm bleeding from inside of me
Oh please daddy can't you hear
This blood makes noise as it dribbles down my leg
It's screaming at you loud and clear
Dribble....dribble
Drip....drip....drip
The blood goes where it should not go
Gushing onto mom's clean floor
Before settling between my toes
What on earth is wrong with you?
Could it be you're deaf?
Daddy can't you hear I"m bleeding?
Won't you stop and clean me up.....
Or are my screams misleading?
Blood says it's not sposed to spill
From out a little girl's bottom
Blood says that it had no choice
It had no place else to go
And there's no way I could have fought him.
Daddy I am sure you hear
In fact I know you do.
My blood makes the most noise
It shouts and screams
And rants and raves
As it's forced out between my seams
Daddy please just listen
I'm going to sew myself up tight
Cuz I can't stand to hear blood screaming
Day after day.....
Night after night.

How can I speak of love?
When all of the love which I should have had
Was denied to me all because I was so bad.
How can I ever speak of peace?
Having been beaten and raped and stripped of my rights
and caught in the middle of so many fights.
How can someone like me speak of safety?
I never could tell when my whole world would explode
and the already bad people would switch to execution mode.
But I can speak of abandonment.
Never knowing the warmth of a loving hug or touch
or hearing the words "I love you so much."
And having been left alone day after day
having only my imagination with which to play.
I can speak of pain.
Having my hair by the handfuls ripped out and
being forced to have sex before I even knew what sex was about.
And having my face slammed into the floor
While being told I"m nothing but a dirty whore.
And certainly I can speak of shame.
I feel like I"m branded so people can see
the disgusting dirty things that have been done to me.
I feel as if I will never be clean
I must be the dirtiest person that God has ever seen.
Surely I can speak of fear.
Having to always be hyper-alert
Yet never knowing quite sure how I would next be hurt.
And somehow through all of this
I can speak of hope.
At times hope's the only thing that keeps me going strong
and helps me from making decisions which are wrong.
Hope keeps me walking with my head held high.
And surely by speaking of hope I will someday get by.

In the shadows of this room
i stand alone
my thoughts have nowhere to go
my words no one to speak
therefore i shall do no harm
the darkness lurks around me
smothering me
consuming me
perhaps it is my only friend
i could try to go outside
could try to leave this smoke
yet i feel stuck between these four walls
afraid of what i might provoke
i'm scared here by myself
when "me" is all i see
yet frightened of what lies behind
my pain and misery
in this room there is no one
who can see the ugliness i hold
it is in this room that i am safe
and the pieces of me are free to unfold
i shall let my darkness hold me
as a mother would her child
it's comforting to keep you out
after having been so defiled
in the shadows of the night i cry
for my forgotten soul
and of my lonely heart
but my darkness sings a lullaby

I told the teacher..
she didnt' hear.
i told a classmate...
she ran in fear
i even told God
and he didn't help
i gave up on telling
cuz no one would hear
so i went inside
to deal with my fear
i created my own world
where i would be safe
and i never spoke again.

Teacher
I know you were upset with me today.
Usually
I do my work perfectly.
Today
I couldn't even remember how to multiply 2 by 3.
Some days
I have friends I like to talk to.
Today
I just want to be alone.
I'm afraid the kids might find out how bad I am.
Really, I never meant to be bad.
Oh, and teacher,
One more thing;
Please don't ask what's wrong
When you see the tears streaming down my cheeks.
You wouldn't understand.

Little boy blue
rage is flaming in your eyes
and you scream: ‘why won’t you love me?’
but nobody is calling your name today

Find your wings
and let them dry.
Just get warm
untill you’re ready to meet the sky

Spread your wings….
Close your eyes and spread them wide
Feel the breeze
as it will take you high

eyes that see only darkness
shadows in the night
pictures haunting every thought
running...hiding...cowering...trying to find some light
blackened masses
sticks of feiry red
"cum-e-she-lah" they chant
as they circle 'round the dead
try to escape this tragedy
through dark tunnels with no out
your words cannot be heard
no matter how loudly you shout
blood drips from the open wounds
bodies trembling with fear
another dead end, another locked door
your cries they still don't hear
are you dreaming or are you dead
trapped within a grasp you cannot flee
reality escapes your mind
to be "you" is not to "be"
tears flow like raindrops
falling from the sky
too easy to be broken
too easy to cry

©SMR

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"Battered, broken, beaten, used
left your identity confused.
I know. Believe Me, I know.
Outside play games to look your best;
Inside agonizing death.
I know. Believe Me, I know!

Needing to be loved, you trust.
Trust was shattered. Your heart crushed.
I know. Believe Me, I know.
Wounds on wounds that never mend
feel like home but cage you in.
I know. Believe Me, I know!

You are more than your wounding!
Put on the truth and believe that
Someone finally loves so much
it shatters through your broken trust!
Believe Me I know!
Trust Me with all your woundings,
with all your failures,
with all your sorrow and pain!
And you can trust Me
I will never stop loving or holding you until peace
and freedom are all that remain.
I'll help you take the strongholds down,
take back all the stolen ground.
Trust Me with heart and with soul!
By the truth I'll build you up;
Brick by brick, re-store your trust.
Trust Me. Believe and let go!
Would you be weak, let Me be strong!
I will be your strength and song,
Trust Me with heart and with soul!
All you thought you'd never see
is here in your identity!
Trust Me. Believe and let go!
You are more than you woundings!
Put on forgiveness and see Freedom
from all of your failures!
Put on the truth and believe
that someone finally loves so much
it shatters through your broken trust.
I know. Believe Me, I know."

© Dennis Jernigan

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fallen to the ground
reluctant to rise again
fearful for life
fearful of death
judged guilty.....
sentence to die about to be carried out....
and the one who lies in the sand
does not have the strength to rise again
for who would listen?
then is heard the sound
of the sands of condemnation
being rearranged by a lowly stick....
and silence is heavier than life
as the condemned awaits the first sting of the stone
but no stone descends....no pain alights....
except what breaks the heart inside
as the prisoner awaits her death....
the only freedom she can expect
then bowed head raises ever so slightly
and dark hair covers a fearful, tear-stained face
and the hot afternoon sun bears down mercilessly
on the one waiting to die
eyes lock...her dark pained ones with His cloudless clear ones
and she sees it
first in utter disbelief
then in flooding relief
condemnation is lifted
the gift of forgiveness gifted
to the lone dark figure in the hot sand
for the stone throwers have fled
convicted by their own sin, they cannot punish hers
and the stones drop
and sandaled feet turn and
shuffle silently away
in disgrace
and the newly-winged soul slowly rises to her feet
shedding the weight of countless sins and judgements
they fall to the earth as she rises up
and hears His words.....
"Your sins are forgiven.....
Go and sin no more....."
and she feels the gentle waterfall of Living Water
washing clean her broken heart.

© Meryn

Don't be afraid to feel...

Some say the road to healing lies not in where we've been,
but where we're going...never look back....just forget......go on with life....... Never mind the lessons we've learned-- and whatever you do, keep it to yourself.
And the pharisee said to me: "Besides, what makes you think you were abused?"
In a public place....a restaurant....surrounded by children, including his own wife and child.......
Heartless, crazy pharisee are you!!!! Don't you understand? You seek to hide your pain....put it away......deny it.....
"Oh, yes, I too was abused.....but I got over it!" Yes, you "got over it"....
it shows in the way you control others...run their lives.
And send away those who don't fit in.......
"The sound of your voice when you laugh is too loud and inappropriate.
It doesn't fit here." I can see it.....you are a victim too! And you'll never heal....your heart is too hard.....turned to stone.
What ever happened to make you so hard?

The healing path lies before us all if we just look.....
Through the pain, past the memories, into the blackness........
You cannot reclaim the past if you refuse to see it,
and so you cannot heal.
Jump in with both feet.....into those places inside that you flew away from before.....
jump in and see what's inside.
It's there...waiting.....it won't leave on it's own...it can't.
It's your life. Part of you....like your shadow......always there, just not always seen clearly.
Jesus had to feel in order to live and die.
We are no different.
Don't be afraid to feel.
He will never lead you where He has not already been.
And the Victor's crown awaits.....
"Fight the good fight....run the good race.....press on towards the mark....and keep your eyes on Jesus' face...."

© Sunny

The Lamb's book

Did you hear His voice when He called to you
from out of the blue.....and beckoned you near?

Did you hear the words the True Spirit said to you, too?
Did you feel the tug at your heart.....your soul.......as nothing ever before?

The true words that call you to His side....
to have your name written in The Book?

"If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation.
Old things are passed away.
All has become new."
And your name, too, can be written in The Lamb's Book.

"Come unto Me, all ye who are weary, and heavy-laden,
and I will give you rest unto your souls.....
Behold I stand at the door and knock......."

I wait for you to invite Me in.
And when you decide to let Me in,
to reign on the throne of your heart,
Then your name, too, will be written in The Lamb's book.

I will never come like a thief in the night--to steal you away against
your will (as I know others have done).....
For My sheep know My Name, and they follow Me willingly,
For their names are already written in The Lamb's Book.

And when you feel the Holy Waters rushing over your soul,
in a most holy cleansing,
washing clean all that was soiled and black,
Then you will know that your name, too,
Is written in The Lamb's Book of Life.

© Sunny

I never cried © J. art.	Teacher © SMR
For the taste of poison © .art.	Little boy blue © J.art.
Daddy I remember © SMR	Darkness © SMR
Retreat… © SMR	Find your wings to fly © J. rt.
Blood makes noise © SMR	Vacant eyes © J. art
How can I speak of love? SMR	Big my secret © J. art
In de shadows © SMR	I told the teacher © SMR
Stones © J. art	Trust Me, I know © D. ernigan
Fallen to the ground © Meryn	Don't be afraid to feel © unny
The Lamb's book © Sunny