i just need more time
when everything grows dark inside
and all the world keeps spinning
every time i find myself
telling you what’s blocking me
feeling denied by any answer given, anyhow
and it’s just too much
i cannot bear the pain i’m sharing
but i cannot control this
and would i ask from them to keep it all in?
if i could spare them from needing to do that for one more moment –
it’s just that i don’t know quite how to survive
with all of this chaos within,
all that i’m trying when i ask if it really is okay
sometimes is to find some clearness and some order,
maybe even some kind of direction in the midst of all this… liberty;
it makes me so very insecure and i am not used to choosing,
especially not this much, too much, really.
but it’s merely the chaos that i feel inside
that makes me run for finding safety
in some kind of set borderline, a knowing how far i can go from here before ‘falling of’