Fragile Wing

Take me away
so I can leave
without a trace
from this endless
and horrible game.

Have I lost my soul already,
am I doomed
like them?
How can I escape
this unbearable pain.

There comes death
to haunt me
even in my sweetest dreams,
there comes evil
to break my already
fragile back.

How can I stand,
how can I hold on
where darkness follows
everywhere I look
Is there still truth
’cause truth is what they took.

They filled me with lies
as if their lies were
sweet lullabies.
They poisened me with fear,
pushed it through my veins
and it came rushing down
pretending to be the only friend near.

Daddy, I remember
When you shoved me in the basement.
You closed the door
And I was trapped.
I crawled up in a cubby hole
And there I stayed for days.
But I was not afraid.

Daddy, I remember
How you tormented me in the night.
You snuck in at the latest hour
barely making a sound.
I crawled up in my mind
And there I stayed for years.
So I was not afraid.

And Daddy, I remember
When you locked me in that box.
There were spiders
And all kinds of creepy-crawlie's.
I floated up to heaven then
and there I"ll stay forever.
So I won't be afraid.

Daddy, daddy can't you see
I'm bleeding from inside of me
Oh please daddy can't you hear
This blood makes noise as it dribbles down my leg
It's screaming at you loud and clear
Dribble....dribble
Drip....drip....drip
The blood goes where it should not go
Gushing onto mom's clean floor
Before settling between my toes
What on earth is wrong with you?
Could it be you're deaf?
Daddy can't you hear I"m bleeding?
Won't you stop and clean me up.....
Or are my screams misleading?
Blood says it's not sposed to spill
From out a little girl's bottom
Blood says that it had no choice
It had no place else to go
And there's no way I could have fought him.
Daddy I am sure you hear
In fact I know you do.
My blood makes the most noise
It shouts and screams
And rants and raves
As it's forced out between my seams
Daddy please just listen
I'm going to sew myself up tight
Cuz I can't stand to hear blood screaming
Day after day.....
Night after night.

How can I speak of love?
When all of the love which I should have had
Was denied to me all because I was so bad.
How can I ever speak of peace?
Having been beaten and raped and stripped of my rights
and caught in the middle of so many fights.
How can someone like me speak of safety?
I never could tell when my whole world would explode
and the already bad people would switch to execution mode.
But I can speak of abandonment.
Never knowing the warmth of a loving hug or touch
or hearing the words "I love you so much."
And having been left alone day after day
having only my imagination with which to play.
I can speak of pain.
Having my hair by the handfuls ripped out and
being forced to have sex before I even knew what sex was about.
And having my face slammed into the floor
While being told I"m nothing but a dirty whore.
And certainly I can speak of shame.
I feel like I"m branded so people can see
the disgusting dirty things that have been done to me.
I feel as if I will never be clean
I must be the dirtiest person that God has ever seen.
Surely I can speak of fear.
Having to always be hyper-alert
Yet never knowing quite sure how I would next be hurt.
And somehow through all of this
I can speak of hope.
At times hope's the only thing that keeps me going strong
and helps me from making decisions which are wrong.
Hope keeps me walking with my head held high.
And surely by speaking of hope I will someday get by.

In the shadows of this room
i stand alone
my thoughts have nowhere to go
my words no one to speak
therefore i shall do no harm
the darkness lurks around me
smothering me
consuming me
perhaps it is my only friend
i could try to go outside
could try to leave this smoke
yet i feel stuck between these four walls
afraid of what i might provoke
i'm scared here by myself
when "me" is all i see
yet frightened of what lies behind
my pain and misery
in this room there is no one
who can see the ugliness i hold
it is in this room that i am safe
and the pieces of me are free to unfold
i shall let my darkness hold me
as a mother would her child
it's comforting to keep you out
after having been so defiled
in the shadows of the night i cry
for my forgotten soul
and of my lonely heart
but my darkness sings a lullaby

I told the teacher..
she didnt' hear.
i told a classmate...
she ran in fear
i even told God
and he didn't help
i gave up on telling
cuz no one would hear
so i went inside
to deal with my fear
i created my own world
where i would be safe
and i never spoke again.

Teacher
I know you were upset with me today.
Usually
I do my work perfectly.
Today
I couldn't even remember how to multiply 2 by 3.
Some days
I have friends I like to talk to.
Today
I just want to be alone.
I'm afraid the kids might find out how bad I am.
Really, I never meant to be bad.
Oh, and teacher,
One more thing;
Please don't ask what's wrong
When you see the tears streaming down my cheeks.
You wouldn't understand.

Little boy blue
rage is flaming in your eyes
and you scream: ‘why won’t you love me?’
but nobody is calling your name today

Find your wings
and let them dry.
Just get warm
untill you’re ready to meet the sky

Spread your wings….
Close your eyes and spread them wide
Feel the breeze
as it will take you high

Klein en bang
duik je weg in het donker
Goed verstopt
wacht je op een nieuwe morgen
Jouw smalle schoudertjes
dragen een zware last
Te veel zorgen
voor zo’n klein meisje

Misschien zal de zon
ook voor jou eens willen schijnen
hoop je
dat je ooit
uit deze ellende mag verdwijnen

Lief klein meisje
huil maar zacht
Ik weet wel dat het moeilijk is
te ademen
in het duister van deze lange nacht
En dat je bent gebroken
gebroken in duizend stukjes
als kostbaar porselein
en je hart dat zucht
omdat je weet
dat het niet zo had moeten zijn

Lief meisje
huil maar stil
Ik weet wel dat jij niet begrijpt
waarom er niemand luistert
waarom er dingen zijn die jij niet wil
Ik ben bij jou
in deze angstige nacht
en ik weet, je voelt je zo alleen

Toch houd ik jou stevig vast
Mijn armen zijn om jou heen
en als je bij mij
nog niet zo goed schuilen durft
weet dan dat ik geduldig
op je wacht
© juniper art

eyes that see only darkness
shadows in the night
pictures haunting every thought
running...hiding...cowering...trying to find some light
blackened masses
sticks of feiry red
"cum-e-she-lah" they chant
as they circle 'round the dead
try to escape this tragedy
through dark tunnels with no out
your words cannot be heard
no matter how loudly you shout
blood drips from the open wounds
bodies trembling with fear
another dead end, another locked door
your cries they still don't hear
are you dreaming or are you dead
trapped within a grasp you cannot flee
reality escapes your mind
to be "you" is not to "be"
tears flow like raindrops
falling from the sky
too easy to be broken
too easy to cry

©SMR

Nog voordat ik mij had gegeven
werd ik ongewild genomen
Bruut en ongevraagd
drong hij binnen in mijn dromen
hij heeft mij zo volkomen leeg geroofd
Als een monster in de nacht
Bij mij is het vuur gedoofd
Haar ware zijn verkracht
Al haar verlangens
Dwangmatig opgehangen
aan de dood van het moment
Toen mijn lichaam trilde, schokte
met veel duivels zweet besmeurd
Toen mijn adem stokte
is mijn hart verscheurd
en met ogen als planeten
hebben ze voor mij besloten
dat ik mezelf heb opgesloten
En voor die vrienden die nog kwamen
Sloot ik de deuren, heel terstond
Ik moet mij eeuwig schamen

SCHULDIG !

Terwijl er in mij een jonge vrouw ontluikt
wordt mijn lijft onteert en misbruikt
Wie gaf jou het recht mijn lijf te betasten
en mij met jou lust en frustratie te belasten

Ik was een kind en wat wist ik nou van het leven
het enige wat jij mij hebt gegeven
Is een diepe wond, die keer op keer open springt
mijn geest, mijn ziel mijn hele zijn heb jij verminkt

Nu ben je ook anders dan de anderen
ik vraag me mezelf af of dit ooit zal veranderen
Mijn "anders" zijn zal ik moeten leren accepteren
terwijl het jouw keus was om mij te bezeren

Toch voel ik mij anders dan de anderen
ik vraag mijzelf af of dit ooit nog zal veranderen
Mijn "anders" zijn zal ik moeten accepteren
terwijl het jouw keus was mij te bezeren

Toch voel ik me schuldig, al ben ik dat niet
Ik voel de schaamte, onmacht, vernedering en veel verdriet
Om wat wat is overkomen, is aangedaan
Heer wilt U haar helpen om door te gaan
Heer Wil U haar helpen om door te gaan

© Ruth Anders
(www.ruthanders.nl)

The Lamb's book

Did you hear His voice when He called to you
from out of the blue.....and beckoned you near?

Did you hear the words the True Spirit said to you, too?
Did you feel the tug at your heart.....your soul.......as nothing ever before?

The true words that call you to His side....
to have your name written in The Book?

"If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation.
Old things are passed away.
All has become new."
And your name, too, can be written in The Lamb's Book.

"Come unto Me, all ye who are weary, and heavy-laden,
and I will give you rest unto your souls.....
Behold I stand at the door and knock......."

I wait for you to invite Me in.
And when you decide to let Me in,
to reign on the throne of your heart,
Then your name, too, will be written in The Lamb's book.

I will never come like a thief in the night--to steal you away against
your will (as I know others have done).....
For My sheep know My Name, and they follow Me willingly,
For their names are already written in The Lamb's Book.

And when you feel the Holy Waters rushing over your soul,
in a most holy cleansing,
washing clean all that was soiled and black,
Then you will know that your name, too,
Is written in The Lamb's Book of Life.

© Sunny

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Have you ever wondered

Have you ever wondered did it really happen, or did your mind just explode,
And take you down to hell and destruction on this never ending road.
Did you think about the day, you would have to face their sin?
And know that was the only way you would ever overcome and win.
Did you have to cross that bridge and look truth straight in the eyes?
And know that the whole damn lot of it, was nothing but satans lies.
Did you ever have to absorb that the dysfunction went deep to the core?
That the past and present is full of things that make you sick and you utterly abhor.
Did you ever have to come to the realisation that you never knew them at all?
That the people you thought them to be, were not the people that you would call
if you needed someone that cared for the wellbeing of your spirit and soul.
For they were people who liked to shatter you, instead of helping make you
whole.
And you wondered what did you do to deserve such treatment in life,
Why did they give you up and dedicate you to bring disharmony and strife?
Why did they seal your fate on that evil nite?
When they dressed you in the robe and said you were pure and the goddess of light.
And their faces had an evil glare you could barely take it in.
And you wished he would stop looking at you with that leering grin.
He punched, he kicked, he bit and he drew the blood.
He offered you to lucifer to bring the royal flood.
And it gushed out of you and he drank it up with such demonic gusto it made you physically sick.
And you just cried out into the nite, oh please get me out of here real quick.
You just wanted to claw his eyes out, but you knew what would happen if you did.
So you gave the body over to the another and you went away and hid.
You went and sat by the lake and you watched the swans glide by.
You sat listening to the waterfall. And you wondered why
you couldn't stay at this place forever, so they couldn't hurt you again.
It was so peaceful and calm and full of love like, pure sunshine and gentle rain.
The people were so friendly and joy was on their face.
They all moved with such dignity, elegance and grace.
No one here walked with a limp or had a limb even missing.
And nowhere in this place could she hear a demon hissing.
She didn't know where she was, but this beautiful Man would take her there.
He was kind and gentle and loving and she knew that He did care.
He had a robe and His name was truth and He was a king she could see.
And she wondered if this was His kingdom she was now in, for it felt so heavenly.
He would bathe Her wounds that lucifer did inflict with the sweetness of His tears.
He would calm the horror of her soul, with words that He would whisper in her ears.
He called her His chosen one and He said though lucifer was her master now,
that He would become Her saviour of Her soul and then He showed her how.
She stood in awe of Him as she watched the story of her life unfold.
She wondered how on earth did He know all this, who had gone to Him and told,
But then she stood amazed for there was something she could see.
He was there in every story He showed her, holding her as close as close could be.
His body took the blows as lucifer and the demon tempers would rage.
Yet no part of Him got hurt, which really rattled lucifers cage.
She tried to ponder in her mind who was this Man who stood
Up to Lucifer on her behalf and He beat him good.
For she had never seen any man of the coven overthrow their lord
But this Man was amongst them and He took on lucifer, with words that pierced
the air and a flaming sword.
And lucifer slunk away, bruised, no longer boasting ,but completely shattered.
And I cried oh thank You kind Man, as He held my body bruised and battered.
I owe my life to You, for You took him on and You really won.
And He told me then and there, that's cause He was Elohim's Son.
I had no idea who He was talking about or where on earth I could be.
But for the first time in my whole life I felt safe and loved and free.
And He took me in the river and said: be clean, and the filth of the nite just floated away.
And I begged Him and pleaded that I wanted so very much to stay
In this place forever, but He looked with sorrow and joy both in His eyes
And said I would one day, but He needed me now on earth to tell of lucifers lies,
To show the people of this world what lucifer has done,
But that this very kind Man really had already beaten him and won.
The only thing I wonder now, just who could this nice Man be.
Does anyone know His name and can you please tell me?

Written by sorrowful silence. June 21st 2003